Balls. Everyone slept like champs so I guess that means they have enough energy to have, no exaggeration, 20 plus tantrums in less than two hours. Sorry other guests who want to sleep. Breakfast is no help and in fact, gives us some our best meltdowns. You know, because 45 minutes and seventy reminders to eat the GD yogurt isn’t enough and when we have to leave with an unfinished yogurt I’m pretty sure his little world ended.We’re up late enough that we can go to this cliffside amusement park for littles. I’ve been really excited to do this with them, and for the coastal walk Derek and I get to take there. It’s wonderful and sweaty, and rather beautiful, but also sweaty. We arrive at the funicular and the kids are stoked to take a train straight up a mountain. However, like most things, it is not designed for parents who are lugging kids, snacks, backpacks, and strollers. There are also steep, narrow, stone steps to everything which is lovely, but means I cannot trust my kiddos not to do a header and we have to carry them along with half of what we own.
At the top there is an incredible view and tantrums to match.
You’d think they’d be more used to sunscreen by now. It’s not like this is new, or conducts electrical currents, or is made of acid. But, whatever…like everything it takes us 30min longer to get to the park than expected but we’re here. It’s like someone took a bit of magic, dumped it on a seaside cliff, and threw in some fried food and charged out the ass for it all. But really, it’s by far the coolest amusement park I’ve been to. Very traditional, a small wooden rollercoaster is the most high-tech it got. Lots of toddler friendly rides, a carousel that looks like it was plucked out of a Jules Vern novel, and little boats to ride. I’m digging it. Well, except for the fact that I can’t find half the rides and there are more of those lovely, bitchy, stone steps that you need to take everywhere but I’m only mentioning it because one of my main pleasures in life is finding fault in things. There were also bumper cars which Bug was DETERMINED to ride. He had a blast with Derek and poor Mouse was left behind. He was devastated so it was his turn next, and it was as bad an idea as you’d imagine. He was having so much fun but then I look over and he’s bawling his little pants off and they’re exiting the arena. One bump was one bump too many for the little guy.
But it’s now time to eat and I’m so proud of myself because I knew there’d be nothing for the kids to really eat and I brought tons of peanut butter and jelly and crackers. We get Derek some food and a croissant for my pb&j sandwiches. Bug LOVES pb&j and he LOVES croissants. Put them together and you have a complete toddler shit show. Mouse is happily munching away and after Bug calms down, he’s just staring daggers at me, like how fucking dare you? Without prompt he tells me that he’s tried a bite and HATES it. I look and there’s no bite taken and I’m fucking done. We’re probably at a combined 30 tantrums thus far today and apparently that’s my limit. I, not so kindly, explain that that’s all he’s getting and if he doesn’t eat it he’ll go hungry the rest of the day. I’m prepared to carry that damn sandwich with us everywhere until he eats it. Derek’s able to step in and be more rational and coaxes him into an actual bite, which he fucking loves. ARRRGGGG! I’m fine, no need to worry about me. I’ll just bang my head on this wall, right here. After the requisite 45min that we seem to spend in any attraction café, Bug informs us of his need to poop. Ok. I can sit with the squirming little one year old and watch our things. No big deal. Except it takes him, no joke, 30-40minutes. Mouse and I have played pinch the shit out of mommy, get down and rub ourselves all over garbage cans, find half eaten cheese on the floor and eat it, slap mommy, scream ourselves silly, grab/fingerprint mommy’s glasses, tear up all the napkins, followed by a good round of kick anything we can. I’m so ready to get the fuck out of here. But by the time we exit the café it’s siesta and all the rides are closed for a couple of hours and the promise of another ride or two vanishes along with the moods of my lovely littles. Luckily, we have another funicular ride down and they seem to think that’s a ride in and of itself so we’re ok.
We aim to nap Mouse in his stroller on the walk back, so it’s no surprise when Bug falls asleep (which is going to make bed a nightmare) and Mouse is babbling to himself for the entire 45min walk. Sure. Ok. But mommy needs a break because I’m back to sweating buckets and TIRED. Go, watch tv and live your best lives kiddos, I need to take a buzzfeed quiz so I’ll know when I’ll die based on my dream ice cream sunday.
We spend, literally, an hour packing up for the beach and afterwards. Again, we look like we’re going out into the wild for the next six months based on the copious amount of gear we’re carting around.The beach is beyond crowded; this is the first time we’ve gone in the afternoon and I’m not loving all the bodies within arm’s reach. But I’m so bloody hot that I may be more excited than the kids to get there. After a quick swim I send Derek off on his and I realize exactly what was going on with him and the sandcastles yesterday as I begin to lazily dig a hole and am entirely consumed by and intense need to make it deep, big, and full of water. I then decide that it needs to be a network of holes, connected via sand straights so I can teach the children about gradients. Every time they want to play with one it takes all my adult energy to let them and not scream, “THAT’S MY WORK! GO DIG YOUR OWN HOLE!” Ok, maybe I do suggest once or twice that they could dig and fill their own holes. But I’m much calmer about it than I want to be. Of course, they ignore me and have a blast playing in the gigantic ocean puddle that is a result of my labor.
We ninja change again and this time I can do it all by myself and I’m extraordinarily proud of this accomplishment. I’ll be bragging about it for a long time. We set out to grab a meal we can actually enjoy. We have no babysitter, but we saw a couple last night sitting outside, enjoying a peaceful meal with toddlers. They happened to have their toddlers strapped into their strollers each with a phone playing tv. BRILLIANT. We feed them burritos I made at the hotel and granola bars all while they’re happily watching octonauts and we’re able to pintxo hop and Derek can eat all the fishy apps he desires. I feel almost no guilt, but they’re so wired in that we literally hear not a peep from them for the next hour. This cannot be good for their little brains, but vacations have no rules!!!! Of course, it’s followed by more ice cream and everyone has had a great evening.
Travels with Larson and Co 