Japan – Kyoto, Day ten – Kyle

we’re on our own today and it’s nice to be a bit more leisurely getting dressed and fed. but we’re remarkably efficient and are out of the house by 915. we head in the wrong direction for 15 minutes, course-correct, realize we forgot the camera battery, head back to the machiya, and are off to the Imperial Palace 45 minutes later. i don’t think being leisurely is good for us.

we get to the palace grounds and let doc race til his heart’s content. i cannot believe the amount of energy this kid has. he’s literally running circles around us and doesn’t seem to have any designs on slowing down.

after a couple of good races later, we head into the actual palace. or so we think. i don’t know why i’m always surprised at how restrictive tourist attractions are. a path leads around the palace buildings, about 10% are under construction, and we’re not allowed in any of them. it was kind of a let down. but the outside was great?

we’re really excited for our afternoon. we’ve been purposely not telling the dirty ambulance (it’s back) about going to the railway museum, in case something goes wrong and he’s massively disappointed. we get in the taxi, give the driver the address, and tell the little guy all about the things we’ll do and see there. and then we realize it’s closed on wednesdays. it’s wednesday. fuck. he surprises us with how he handles the change in plans. he’s not happy, but is pretty quickly mollified by promises of going tomorrow and ice cream.

we decide to head to a department store (the one with the basement of food) to grab some yukatas for our littlest friends. we bravely enter the chaos and find the kid’s section with some ease. i think i now instinctively know where to spend money on children. we are helped by a very friendly young woman and through an impressive array of hand gestures, bowing, and nods, pick out our four children’s yukatas and obis. i leave derek to handle the rest of the transaction because thing-one is actively destroying anything he can find and i’m going to buy him a toy to shut him up and keep him occupied because i guess i’m breaking every parenting rule i have on this trip. (side note: don’t go shopping with kids. leave them at home with the nanny. we need a nanny.) we saunter back with our helicopter and a much happier toddler to find derek going, “well, that was expensive.” keep in mind these are basically thin cotton robes, half-size because they’re for kids. he tells me close to a thousand dollars. i giggle and say, “yeah right.” he’s serious. i tell him there’s no way we’re buying them. he’s already handed over the money and they’re being wrapped up.

there’s a reason i’m in charge of our finances.

he ditches me and takes the kids while i try and explain that they must be bonkers and there’s no way i’m paying that and could you please bring me my money back? she’s very sweet and we both apologize profusely, bow a bunch, and i super run away. derek and i resolve to get cheap shit for the toddlers in our lives. sorry guys.

the department store shopping did not agree with mcqueen. he’s been taking out a lot of his frustration on mouse this trip. lots of hitting, pushing, and biting. as i was strapping thunder-thighs into his stroller, elsa chomped him good. i did not react calmly. in fact, i yelled and pulled him off, very abruptly, and plopped him into his stroller. i would’ve received a D- from janet lansbury. the little guy was a bit shook. i tried explaining my reaction and apologized. he responded with, “once we get home, i’m getting a different mommy.” i really need to get him that ice cream i promised.

due to the rain, we hunker down for the rest of the day/night after stopping at the grocery store to get the ice cream that was promised. we watch more frozen and have more noodles for dinner. the theme of the day is: pacify our little dictator.

before bed, we go to take the ice cream out of the freezer and realize it was left out and is now ice cream soup. i literally run to a convenience store to make sure thing-one doesn’t have a conniption. see you tomorrow, kyoto.

Japan – Kyoto, Day eleven – Kyle

another early morning for me and mr. mouse. he’s feverish and really clingy. i dose him with ibuprofen, hoping it’s just teething, and i’m able to get him a nap while the big fish gets ready for the day.

the one thing i really wanted to see in kyoto is the Fushimi Inari temple and gates. we’d planned a whole day for it and the requisite souvenir shopping. but with missing the railway museum yesterday we were going to have to cram everything into our last day here.

normally, we’d walk but being short on time we grab a taxi. i hate being in cars with the kids and no carseats. but they fucking love it. they’re both looking out the windows and making all kinds of happy noises. it’s probably just the novelty for them, but i am feeling a little envious of the time when this was how you did cars with littles.

i amaze myself again with how much i underestimated the tourist draw to this location. there are stalls with street food, kitschy souvenirs, high end chopsticks, you name it. also a literal swarm of people. i put on my game face and we stroller the shit out of the lower area. we’re bobbing and weaving, determined to not use the strollers to stroll. people who stroll make me irrationally angry.

we reach the main entrance to the 4km hike to the top, ditch the strollers and begin hiking.

the funny dragon/tractor is loving it. he’s full of a million questions and wants to touch everything, which is ok here!

wahoooooooo for kid-friendly monks. he’s ringing bells, stroking the gates, exploring the statues. it’s awesome. but after 40 minutes we realize we’re only a third of the way up and we won’t make the railway museum if we don’t head back. super disappointing, but i can’t stomach the idea of cutting his activity short. and honestly, i’m a little relieved because, like at home, mosquitoes think my blood is divine and are constantly biting me and no one else. the difference is, japanese mosquitoes hurt. not just itch, but feel like jellyfish stings that then itch. and i have accumulated a half million of them. we have spared some time for souvenir shopping, but the throng of people is making me very twitchy and claustrophobic. i grab uninspired crap and we get a cab. (sorry to the people who are getting the uninspired crap.)

the only real thing to say about the railway museum is that thing-one was in the zone. he LOVED it…it beat the monkeys. he was even asking for me to take his picture in front of the trains. there were a lot of other families with young kids and mouse was happy bopping around as well in a completely kid friendly space. doc is now requesting all the thomas trains. i guess it was inevitable.

eating out has proven to be a disaster in terms of happy children and food anyone except derek can eat. so we attempt a local outdoor market but it’s all raw, the kids are cranky, and i’m over big crowds. back to the grocery store. which is fine by me. we realize the train has fallen asleep (not good in terms of getting him to bed). we rouse him with ice cream and hope this staves off a very unhappy little guy. low and behold, it does. he’s not even pissed when he can’t finish it so we can go into the store. i’m tempted to continue this food bribery thing at home…ice cream and cookies for the win. i now understand why old people always have candy in their pockets; you can rewire a kid’s brain with the stuff.

it’s our last night so we eat and pack up. tomorrow’s going to be a long day…

Japan – Kamikochi/Kanazawa, Day six – Derek

We woke up this morning to a truly shocking occurrence – the kids were both still asleep.

Both. Still. Sleeping.

Kyle wants to go try out the public Onsen, and I am more than happy to lay in bed with the kids until they wake up. By the time the three of us are awake/changed/etc. Kyle is back and willing to trade, so my turn to head down and ride the Onsen experience.

And an experience it is. There are many rules to adhere to and a specific procedure to follow so I’ll admit, walking down past the entrance curtain was intimidating. Luckily we had been coached by our interpreter during our drive to the ryokan, plus there was an instruction sheet inside the room “Rulebook” binder (no joke, that’s how it was labeled).

Anyway, I was the only one there since it was so early, which took off some pressure. Or at least, no one to give me a dirty look if I did something wrong (but also, no one to take a cue from if I forgot anything). I’m confident I did everything correctly though: leave towel/robe in the dressing room basket, private towel to the shower room, kneel-don’t-sit on the stool, private towel folded on top of the head while in the bath.

Even with all the ritualization/rules involved, soaking in that steaming natural spring bath water with the cool, gentile rain falling over me was… it is difficult to put into words, how blissful it all ended up being. While putting my robe back on, ready to head back to the room for our longest day of travel, I left feeling more rejuvenated than I’ve ever felt after a multi-day spa stay. And this was just one early morning shower/bath, slightly rushed and with a lingering awareness to not screw anything up. My wife and I will be back; see you again in 10 years or so, Onsen.

After breakfast we return to our room to finish packing and get to the train station for our trip to Kanazawa. Since our wet-ass shoes were confiscated at the door yesterday, we are a bit nervous as to what state they’ll be in when we have to cram them into a small backpack with a bunch of other stuff. I go down to the front door/shoe area and communicate, mostly through gestures, that we need our shoes – no, not those shoes – the other ones someone else took from us yesterday. An understanding nod and some brief instructions to a younger staff member later, our shoes are presented in a ceremonial way totally un-befitting of running shoes. Amazingly, they are the cleanest I’ve seen since they were purchased, with the soles slightly pulled out at the back to indicate full cleanliness/dryness. I am stunned, as I accept them with a bow that I hope honored their efforts (but probably just embarrassed myself) and hurried back to our room.

Packed and ready, we say goodbye to the lovely Siorie Ryokan and stuff ourselves in the van for a final drive through the central mountains of Honshu.

Two days ago, while en-route to the Keiryu-so Shiorie, our translator and driver had both agreed we should leave a half-hour earlier earlier than planned today to catch our train. Boy, were they right about that. We have about 10 mins before the train actually arrives when we get to the platform but, since we only have exactly one minute to board before it continues on, we feel better waiting.

It’s probably equal parts hilarious and painful for other people watching us board/de-board the trains, but we’ve worked out a system. And the system works.

Japan – Osaka/Home, Day 12 – Kyle

we’re all squeaky clean and stuffed with everything we can’t shove in a cooler bag, so it’s off to the convenience store to spend all our ubiquitous change on japanese candy. so much. change. every time i’d buy something i’d be so overcome with awkward fumbling i’d inevitably get sweaty and give up with the coins and throw bills around, so i acquired a full butt ton of change.

moving on.

the turtle/mack was in tiny dictator heaven because we put him in charge of grabbing all the candy at his level and shoving it into the basket. he got to be super disruptive and in control of the food. i don’t think i’ve ever related to him more.

we get into the car with awesome iso again and head to osaka. we planned to make a quick stop at the osaka castle before heading to the airport. turns out we underestimated traffic and we’d have only about 40 minutes for the stop. say goodbye to finally getting ramen, no time for lunch. (for whatever reason, every time we planned for ramen something, ie, the children, would get in the way) but we’re cultured af so we head to the castle and are not at all bitter about the food.

which is fucking majestic. they have all be pretty amazing, but this one stands out. so does the level of tantrum from both boys. i’m left lugging them both around because neither one will put up with their baby car (japanese for stroller, no translation, they just call them baby cars) and will only accept mommy. i’m thinking this bodes extremely well for the upcoming travel home. travel anxiety is beginning to set in and i’m feeling a bit panicked. so i am trying really hard to be patient with this castle experience. i’m just done. but then i see how much the little turtle is digging the sticks and birds and i, again, am amazed at how quickly he can adapt and how much has been asked of him. he gives exactly zero shits about the castle and just wants to feed the pigeons and play with dirt. he’s two. this makes sense. i take the kids to a swatch of grass and let derek have castle-time. their moods improve just in time to stop them from playing and take them back to the car. and i’m back to lugging two sacks of child around again.

derek and i do a tv show quick change into airport appropriate attire on the way and the big fish is left wondering why he doesn’t get to take off his clothes in the car. there was no acceptable answer we could give. i just hope that the nuance isn’t lost on him and we don’t encounter a kid who wants new pants on the way to the grocery store.

with a lot of help from iso (we’re really grateful, he keeps going above and beyond) we get the bulkhead seats again and are all checked in. but it requires a lot of translation from him for us to understand that at japanese airports you are not allowed to use your own stroller. you must check yours and use the ones provided by the airport. we are far from pleased, but ok. whatever. we need to go.

and go we did. we figured out how to sleep bug without him puking and kept mouse entertained. after all that it was o’hare that beat us. i cannot stress enough how much i loathe that airport. in fact, i am so enraged that i find it impossible to be glib. long story short, i’d rather be on a 14hr plane with a puking kid and another one crying the entire time than step foot in that place again. we are home now and it feels good.