



welp. country livin’ is more our style. thing-one got up at four this morning and to keep thing-two asleep i got him up and we went to take a bath together in this marvelous, in-room, onsen. the resort even provided bamboo bath toys for the kids. we were able to watch the sunrise together from the tub. not a bad way to start a stupid early morning.

rub a dub dub
after mouse woke and we pulled our shit together we went to another hotel for breakfast. this resort will not make any food without dashi (fish broth) so off we went.
the resort served a western style buffet breakfast. including, but not limited to, salmon wafer cones, mushroom risotto, salad, and corn soup. this must be what japanese people think of our sushi restaurants: you got the general gist, but are not quite there.
the highchairs in japan are either meant for babies so young they need to be strapped in and spoon-fed or are just really tall, smaller chairs that have no straps and you’re just supposed to cross your fingers and hope the kid stays in. mouse has been dining ala lap. neither one of us is enjoying our mealtimes to their fullest. but the food was excellent and vegetarian, so c’est la vie.

we were then met by our driver for the day and managed to thoroughly confuse him by changing our plans. we learned our lesson in tokyo and ditched the “Toy Kingdom,” in favor of staying closer and giving ourselves ample time for the things we really wanted to see.
we drove to Shiraito Falls. while it was really beautiful, it was loaded with tourists. watching other people pose and snap pictures with selfie sticks was pretty damn entertaining though. doc/ the excavator had a blast playing with the leaves and looking at all the dogs. and dude, the japanese here really do dogs. they’re mostly small dogs who are dressed better than i am. like, they’re styled and coiffed. in strollers. no way they’d be my friend.


before our next destination we stopped to eat some apples and use the bathroom. daddy and woody were overheard singing pete the cat from outside (“he kept walking along, singing his song”). when they exited they were both pretty wet. the bidet had turned on them. i’m still laughing.
we then went to Onioshidashi Volcanic Park (the name means “expelled demons”). it was fierce. the jagged volcanic rock formations give the entire place an eerie, ethereal vibe. thirteen year old me would’ve set up shop. my inner emo goth was feeling right at home. doc was elated by the narrow paths that quickly became his racetrack. watching how he turns everything into a world of his own is one of my favorite things about being his mom.

to try and get out his wiggles we ended up at Yukawa Furusato playground. this place was amazing. it had an epic slide, was build right next to a stream, had a view of the mountains and was even under mild construction and there was a mini excavator there. we would’ve stayed much longer but the kiddos desperately needed a proper nap. so, off we went to the resort.

we had planned a traditional japanese dinner but quickly realized we should pre-dinner the kids with the awesome ass green noodles and relaxed environment of last night’s restaurant. it did not help.
poor derek. he’s in a place that makes his absolute favorite cuisine and he’s stuck with two little ones who cannot restaurant and a wife who confounds all waiters and chefs with her refusal to eat things that had faces.
three epic meltdowns, two consultations with kitchen staff, and a completely rejected dinner for thing-one and derek was left to eat his food alone while i ran the monsters outside. he was really upset and dejected. which confused me. eating my favorite foods, without the mealtime demons, in peace, sounds like heaven to me, but whatevs…i guess he likes us.
we retreated back to the room to dine on more peanut butter sandwiches and cake. because giving in to the little dictator is how we’re rolling right now.







our glorious morning began at 415 today with both kids up and raring to go. because there ain’t shit to do at 4am, it was family bath time. thing-one was none too pleased that his little bro and daddy were crashing our bath. he told me, “mader (derek) not dirty;” he knows nothing.
we ditched the buffet this morning and went to the highly recommended sawamura bakery. we were really excited for their outdoor seating so the kids could run around and we could drink hot drinks unpreterbed. but when we got there all the outdoor seating was reserved. i get that. other people are smarter than i. we can deal with two squirrely kids inside!
we could not. doc/mcqueen was flipping his wig because, well who the fuck knows. so i sat outside with him while we watched exactly zero people come to use the outdoor seating. but they were great about adjusting the set menu to accommodate the vegetarians and the food kicked ass. mashed potatoes, eggs, caprese salad, toast, salad, ratatouille, and yogurt. mouse really digged the ratatouille and the bulldozer ate two bites and demanded berries. he’s really singing the song of his people on this trip.

i stocked up with bread, croissants, and honey in preparation for the ryokan (japanese all-inclusive inn) we’ll be staying at for the next two nights. it’s in the mountains, pretty isolated, and won’t accommodate my picky ass for anything other than breakfast.
we were a bit late to meet our guide for our trip because thing-one was throwing my favorite tantrum of the day: “make it dark outside, mama!” explaining day/night to a two year old left me kinda pissed i didn’t have more control over it too.

eventually, we hopped in the van and were off to matsumoto. both kids feel asleep for the two hour journey and it was blissful. we arrived at the castle/badass fortress and thing-one immediately flocked to the carp in the moat surrounding this impressive structure. the castle totally thrilled him. if mouse wasn’t losing it we could’ve stayed half the day with bug going up and down and finding nooks and crannies of all kinds.
after a quick tour we found lunch at another italian restaurant. (we could alternately call this trip, “eating italian in japan. *sigh*) and had our first grocery store experience. i could’ve spent two hours there, easy. thing-one was enamored with the car/ambulance? cart. in fact he demanded we call him a dirty ambulance the rest of the day. sure.

i was really grateful for our guide, especially since she was able to explain proper etiquette for the ryokan. like, the shoes thing. i know you take off shoes, but had no idea there was a small ritual, a very precise way of doing it. she was also able to translate for our host and us. she may have prevented an international incident. we’ll see when we try the communal baths.
i managed to bow the appropriate amount and we collected our yukatas and were off to our room. tatami mats, three futons on the floor, no chairs…we just shook the west off. we’ll see how this goes.
but first, derek and i are going to soak in the outdoor onsen while the kids are snoozing away. g’night!




they slept until 515! we’re almost back to normal.
the plan for today was to hike the japanese alps. the beginning 4ish miles are relatively flat, full of ponds, streams, bridges, forests…perfect for toddler exploration! that is, unless it’s really raining and you only have adult ponchos because you chose to pack magnet blocks instead of buzz lightyear’s raincoat and boots.
this is one of the only places in the area who allow children and they make it clear that there’s no running, no touching, no yelling. in essence: keep your furious balls of destruction in the room.
so. try and entertain said balls of destruction in a room all day or spend the day with them strapped to you in the rain? we chose the rain.
we loaded up the kiddos, backpacks, camera, and ponchoed that shit up. we looked like a colorful disaster. people were pointing. what’s a word for when you look at someone and think, “damn, you dumb?” i think that’s the expression we mostly saw.

and we were dumb. i kept trying to take pictures everytime the clouds parted a bit and inevitably they’d be back by the time derek got the umbrella up and i extracted the camera from under our motley layers of plastic. the bug kept incessantly asking after the taxi and when it would take us back. mouse did not appreciate his poncho and kept trying to dislocate his neck to escape it. but we made it to our destination and to our immense relief there was a covered outdoor cafe and toilets. everyone perked up instantly and we had a mixed picnic/japanese lunch. hunger broke me and i ate some soba with dashi. i once worshipped kurt cobain and he told me it’s ok to eat fish cuz they don’t have any feelings. but i’m still feeling some heaviness about that.

we saw a bunch of awesome rain gear hanging up over a price sign and were extactic! we could get a small women’s windbreaker and let doc use it so he could race a bit on the 4km trek back. derek went to get it down and was immediately stopped by the woman who owned it. turns out it was just a drying station. all of a sudden it was obvious. and it was obvious that we were pretty desperate to get mcqueen some time to run. we fashioned his poncho so he could use his legs and set off.

in the hour we spent chillin, the path back had almost completely washed out. back in the carrier went the bug. mercifully he fell asleep while derek and i accumulated roughly a gallon of water per shoe. now who thinks they’re fancy with their extra padded running shoes? still me.
because we were disgusting when we arrived back at the ryokan the plan was to wrap our shoes in plastic and slink back to our room. however, our filthy wet shoes and socks were quickly confiscated. flummoxed, we resolved to pack damp, gross gear tomorrow to avoid more embarrassing bowing on both parts. (but, to our amazement, those beautiful people washed and dried all our gear!)
the little monsters and i dined in room on bean burritos, cheese, crackers, cheerios, and pocky. not too bad, if i do say so. the man of the house went to brave a full japanese dinner solo. i believe he came back full, happy, and having eaten a fish head.

we knew today was going to be a rough one. almost the entire day would be taken up by long car rides and trains. so, my body made sure to be up at 3am. everyone else was snoozing away…

i had also made the mistake of doing some laundry that didn’t dry in time to be sent ahead with most of our luggage, so we had a LOT of shit to carry for this leg of the trip. next time i’ll remember: clean underwear be damned.
right after breakfast (which is getting close to impossible to coax the airplane to) we got in the first of our cars. an hour later we boarded our first train. the scenery was spectacular.

we had exactly, like, EXACTLY, one minute to board or de-board these trains. the japanese do not fuck around with train schedules. or timeliness in general. with the combo of derek’s japanese heritage and my german heritage it’s no wonder we both itch when things aren’t on time.
onto the next train and the kiddos are, predictably, freaking out. mouse happens to be teething right now as well so i’m really grateful that the japanese are enamored with him thus far. snacks are also playing a big part in keeping the dirty ambulance (this one had better not stick) mollified.

the plan was to have three hours in kanazawa before getting into the car for another hour, where our ryokan is located. turns out this just delayed/fucked their naps. whilst dwreck and i are playing sherpa to two backpacks, a diaper bag, an extra clothes bag, a food bag, a camera bag, ian’s backpack, an extra baby carrier, and a stroller the train/wolf is throwing an epic tantrum in the middle of the train station. thing-two is so over-tired he’s slapping my face and pulling my hair. and that’s when the adults break. i think we started fighting over counting yen coins? who was snippier? who was calmer than who? which one of us was being a child? if you guessed all four, you win!
we all kinda pulled it together, found lockers for our superfluous shit, and headed out to explore/ go to a park. the train station debacle (as it will henceforth be known) ate up over an hour so the kids only had about 30 minutes to play. we stopped at a 711 before catching our car to the ryokan and i was very disappointed that i couldn’t find the spaghetti sandwiches the internet promised me. i’m now on a mission. 
after the incredibly stressful day we were elated to get to our ryokan. but the was no time to relax before eating. we dressed for dinner in our provided yukatas and i quite literally couldn’t stand how cute the kids were. i may have squealed.
i had no idea that dinner was a nine course meal, served over two and a half hours. i can’t even describe the horror of trying to keep two kids from dismantling the room and the tableware while trying to respectfully eat the immaculately prepared meal. after the 207th tantrum, i threw a tantrum myself and took the kids back to the room so derek could eat in peace and i could fume about how massively stupid it was to ask so much out of our tiny humans.
time for bed. after all, tomorrow is another day.
the day is already an improvement with everyone sleeping until 6 or 7. we’re up, we’re ready, we’re hungry.
we pre-breakfast elsa/sven and go to real breakfast where a glorious western meal is waiting for the kids and me and a japanese meal for derek. they nail it on all fronts. i eat all my sugar for a week in one sitting and am giddy/carb drunk. otherwise known as happy.
my glucose bubble bursts as thing-one throws himself a real humdinger of a, “i’m two, y’all can suck it,” protest about getting his shoes on while all the staff is politely, but detrimentally, trying to stop him by touching and hugging him. eventually someone tries to give him a cookie and i snap something about not rewarding the behavior as the little terrorist makes a fool out of me by immediately shutting up and asking me how he can get that cookie.
we’re now in the car, cookie in hand, and cruising to the Kanazawa Castle and Kenrokuen gardens with our guide for the day. a pretty pleasant hour in the car, to my surprise.
the gardens are pretty perfect. the japanese really take gardens seriously and this may be one of the best i’ve seen. we forgot the baby carrier at the ryoken but it doesn’t matter because the little fish is happily bouncing around and we can strap the chunky monkey into his stroller. (and just let me take a minute here to discuss people’s reactions to our thunder-thighed little guy. they lose it. i’m trying to have perspective and i know all babies are cute and he’s an anomaly here, but people are stopping to gawk, take pictures, hold his hands, squeeze his cheeks, and on two occasions literally squeal, clap, and jump around. he’s single handedly excusing all our faux pas. ok, mom brag over.)

the big fish gets his first ice cream cone, derek eats ice cream covered in gold leaf, and our guide uses an umbrella to cover my shameless public breastfeeding. (to my credit i did try the cover. once. mouse was quite indignant and keep looking at me, after flinging it off, like i was betraying him. until today i’ve discreetly fed him in the carrier, but we didn’t have it. hence, the frantic umbrella shield.)
we toured the castle, derek ate eel on a stick at a pretty impressive fish market, we let the kiddos play at another indoor playground (they’re so clean! and they’re everywhere! what the hell, america? i’d give my left foot for just one of these in the winter), toured the gaisha district and headed back to the ryokan for dinner.
after discussing the massive failure of yesterday we are now prepared for eight courses, trapped in a room with the little monsters. we brought thing-one the tablet and said yes to screen time at the table! you don’t want to eat that, fuck it! we’ll dine on bean burritos, string cheese, and pocky! give mouse (currently working on becoming a human garbage disposal) all bug’s food and walk with him in the ryokan between courses. we fucking crushed it. well kinda. i was hashi-shamed (very politely) for not having them lined up correctly, elsa undid his obi and we were promptly told to re-tie it, and i couldn’t bring myself to eat some of the wiggly tofu (bug’s pickiness may be genetic). but all in all, the larsons came out on top.
i was up dumb early again. but it gave me time to shower and soak in the onsen for a bit. i even got to blow dry my hair without someone clinging to my legs. which got shaved. what miraculous things can be accomplished when your children are asleep and you’re awake at 430.
up and yukata’d for breakfast, we slammed that delicious food down and packed up to try and explore around the ryokan a bit before catching our train to kyoto. a couple of wrong turns, some beautiful side streets, and some acorn collecting later and it was time to get the train. trains are pretty peaceful when the baby sleeps the whole time and you plug the toddler in. we arrive in kyoto incident free.



we’re met by our driver (way too much shit for a taxi) who’s kinda incredible. he’s great with the kiddos, his english is awesome, and he’s pretty funny to boot. we have time to kill before going to our machiya (small, rental townhouse) so he suggests a department store that has diapers and groceries. i already had a grocery store picked out, but who am i to argue?
doc/big fish is getting really cranky. not napping is having its typical effect. we realize on the way that iso might be able to help us find an equivalent to children’s dramamine. he’s now on a mission.
this “department store” is intimidating. it’s not the size, which is substantial, but the sheer activity. it’s more like a mega mall. the little monsters immediately start to get squirrely. we find the equivalent pretty quickly, but the active ingredients are different. iso begins to act as an interpreter and consult with the pharmacist. both kids are grabbing everything they can from the shelves and i have to get them out of the drugstore section of this behemoth. (have i mentioned that both boys are going through an extreme mommy-only phase? even though i’d like some help, adding daddy only makes things worse.)
i try running them up and down the hallways – yeah, this place has freaking hallways. it works for exactly two minutes. i check on derek’s progress with the pharmacist as the children create a wake of chaos. i go back to the hallways. there are just too many people they’re almost running into… back to the drugstore. where thing-one flips. as i’m dealing(?) with him, thing- two is actively trying to get all the razors off the shelves while laughing his ass off. so, he gets scooped. thing-one is still in the throws of his meltdown so, he gets scooped. i can’t physically hold both of the flailing monkeys so we plop down on the floor and become an instant circus attraction. no big deal.
needless to say, we skip the grocery store and just head to the machiya with our meds that, after all that fuss, aren’t approved for kids under 12 in the US. doctor says no. at least we’ll be prepared for puke this time round? sheesh.


everyone calms down, we walk to an international grocery store, pick up dinner ingredients, and start our lives as people who cook in japan. staying vegetarian at the ryokan/hotels was easier. the fucking pesto i bought has seafood in it? the mustard salad dressing contains chicken? and the tomato sauce has pork? the. fuck.
welp. luckly i bought two pestos because my kid is picky af and i promised him green noodles and the second one had, you know, basil, oil, and garlic. but i fucked up again and ate the damn salad dressing because i only thought to double check the ingredients once food was made and i just couldn’t go back out there. i had reached my limit. sorry chicken.
the kiddos were ecstatic with the food, being able to be themselves while eating, and getting out those magnet blocks. and, i’ll tell you a little secret: turns out travel days when kids just have to sit don’t go so well. but green noodles and strawberry cake seem to put it right.
snacks are packed, strollers are ready, baby is diapered. we’re off with our guide for the day and despite the rain we’re gonna see us some temples, bamboo, and monkeys.
the rain stops as soon as we get to the first temple and both kids go in carriers. (why did we bring strollers? you can’t temple with strollers.) which dragon/doc almost immediately asks to get out of after insisting upon going into it two minutes earlier. toddler life.
we’re surrounded by middle school students in every direction. i’m feeling judged. i’m being judged. is that one laughing at me? definitely. i remember i’m an adult and the middle school flashback subsides. (even though they ARE pointing and giggling.)
the temple is beautiful, but like everything we’ve seen, it’s the gardens surrounding that are the real attraction. they’re perfect. i can’t really describe why. i know the japanese can. they have a rating system. but i’m happy to just soak in the scenery.

i think we’re three temples in when i realize that the train/dragon might be in love with our guide, miwa. it seems to be requited. they’re running around together with fists on their foreheads (being trains, obviously) and laughing their asses off. she sits with him and teaches him all about rock gardens and demons. he holds her hand everywhere. iso, our driver, is waltzing with the bug every time he gets in or out of the car. they make the day for him.

or so i think. we do a quick walk through the bamboo forest (way too short and way too crowded, but pretty spectacular)

and make our way to the monkey park. i had seriously underestimated the awesomeness of this place. monkeys. everywhere. totally chill and friendly monkeys. with babies. baby monkeys. that you could feed. (although, the mommy monkeys kept snatching the food from the babies. i feel ya, mama. they don’t really appreciate the apples like you do.) thing-one was in heaven. he’s been a big monkey ever since. no changing his name on us. this is huge.

we said our goodbyes to miwa. the big monkey asked if she could stay at our machiya for night. he was pretty disappointed that she has her own life. then it was off to brave a different department store that was recommended to derek for awesome take-out sushi. ok. whatevs.
much to my amazement, directly underneath the perfume and makeup, is a basement of culinary wonders. it’s set up like an indoor fancy-pants farmers market with stands for cakes, artisanal breads, (but no cheese), fried tofu, fried everything, rice, fish, things i couldn’t even guess at. again, i could have wadered for hours, but, you know, the children. with the vast array of food we were having no luck finding the sushi. derek had his most stereotypical male pants on and was refusing to ask anyone for directions. i always get a kick out of the directions thing. he’d have meandered, aimlessly, with two hellcats before talking to someone. i asked and we were taken to the sushi.
another green noodle dinner and the kids were off to bed after having a super great day. we stayed up to eat chips and chocolate without them.